Tuesday, September 25, 2012

of being a husband and a father

last i wrote anything longer than 5 sentences which had nothing to do with work was years ago
so pardon me if this is excruciatingly boring
i've been itching to start writing again, stretch those brain muscles and practice my writing skills (or lack of it)
so much to write about
but the same old problem kept making it difficult for me - procrastinate
so i had enough dawdling around. here it is.. 

a dedication to my leading lady, my wife

undoubtedly, its the ultimate goal in almost everyone's life: to find love
its inbuilt in all of us. the grand design.
whatever the orientation is: heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. we all yearn to love and be loved in return. unless you're talking about the 1% of the world's population that falls under the category of asexual (pfffttt)
its elusive and i'm damn sure it has eluded you at one point or another.
and i'm sure, too, that reality has kicked you in the gluteus maximus at least once in your life for believing that you've finally found love.
yeah, you know exactly what i mean.

then i met my wife.

to say that we first got acquainted by 'meeting' is incorrect.
we 'met' in one of the most boring and mundane way possible. social networking.
guys wanting to get to know girls on social networking sites are almost always judged as trying to get lucky.
and when i first 'profiled' my wife, going through every bit of information on her page, i knew she's the prudent, guarded type. i couldn't just simply drop one of those pick-up lines and expect to get a reply. i knew i had to be crafty. i knew i had to come up with something ingenious because that is the only way she'll even bother to read anything i write, much less reply to it.
well, lets just say i got my reply.
 i must say it could also be my blog from before that played a part in getting that reply.
or at least that is what she told me.

we didn't hit it off the bat immediately.
it that had happened, either i'm dreaming and living in a perfect world or we would not have come this far.
we began with the normal occasional pleasantry and remained 'virtual friends' for some time.
we both went on to have relationship with others, often checking on each other's progress.
ok fine, we weren't exactly 'checking'. granted and admittedly we were both griping and whining on how miserable things were going.
and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that inevitably, we start to get emotionally attracted.
the rest is history.

well i'm not writing about how we first met in person. or how and when we first kissed (i'm sure she'll agree that that is one heck of a funny story. how we both wanted to but were hesitant. and some guy with a guitar playing an impromptu piece to set the mood)

i'm here to write about how she saved me.
how she saved me from myself.
i was waging a war with myself fueled by the hatred with how my life was turning out to be. believing nothing good will come out of anything and everything. a personal vendetta.

this lady whom i now proudly and have the honour of calling my wife, made life more sensible. more meaningful. she does not care about fancy gifts or personal achievements. selfless, in every sense of the word.
no, i'm not saying she's THE perfect lady. we all have our own shortcomings. and each time she makes a mistake, i come down hard on her (one of my own flaws. my biggest defect actually)
but never have she ever retaliated, much less made a fracas of it even though she had every right to.
often i'm left wondering how in the world she manages to conjure up this monolithic patience to put up with my sudden, sometimes explosive nature.
she's the perfect lady in my eyes for i doubt anybody else would still stick around.
i've found my pillar of strength, one that is strong to withstand whatever i throw at it, yet soft enough to offer a warm and assuring embrace.
in all the years we've been together, never once she put herself before me
always the one to give and never the one to expect anything in return
if i were to die today, i would leave this world a happy man knowing that i have had the chance to share my life with someone so beautiful, inside and out.

so to this beautiful lady i hold in high regard, i thank you.
i thank you for reading and replying to that very first message.
it opened doors i never knew existed.
i thank you, for the joy you've given me is ineffable.
oh how i wish i had a vast vocabulary to praise you, but even so, no words could possibly describe the amazing person you truly are.
undoubtedly, you are one of god's better creation and praises be to Allah, i'm blessed to have you in my life.

a dedication to my little hero, my son

oh how you've turned my world topsy-turvy with your arrival
and i'm loving every moment of it

i was once a man who vowed never to have children of my own
for fear that i would be neglected. fear that he would steal the lime-light and be the center of my wife's attention.
foolish, absurd and selfish of me think as such. for he have given me happiness i never thought possible.
all made possible with the blessings of Allah, the almighty.
sure it was maddening, sometimes chaotic in the first couple of months.
both me and  my wife were literally spent. sleep was fast becoming non-existent and keeping up with his constant need of attention was wearing us out.
but hey, nobody said it was going to be easy. it is exactly the thing that makes a family stronger i believe.

the very first time i laid my eyes on him, the miracle of birth, an overwhelming feeling of happiness and relief came over me. it was the best day of my life.
when he fell sick and had to be hospitalised for 10 days, i was devastated.
from feeling like i'm on top of the world, to crashing down hard. feeling helpless like never before.
i couldn't stop feeling as though it was no one's fault but my own.
my prayers were answered when you made a full recovery.
such a strong boy.

so to my son, my source of pride and endless joy, i promise to be there for you. always.
i promise to be a better father than the one i never had.
i promise to be there whenever you need me (even when you don't)
i promise to answer every single question you ask, even if you've already asked the same question 10 times over.
most importantly, i promise my love for you will never run dry.
i'm about done for now.
i told myself that this would make a kick-ass birthday surprise for my wife or my son. but then again, things like this doesn't have to wait